I use quotes on “The Clinic” because that’s how I communicate with my friends that I mean “The Fertility Clinic” (a dirty word?). Today was my first appointment.
I am lucky to live in a large city. We have access to several fertility clinics and specialists here. After being referred to one clinic and not getting an appointment, I did some research, took matters into my own hands. Through my helpful counsellor, I was able to get an appointment at a clinic that specializes specifically in “the study and treatment of ‘unexplained’, recurrent miscarriage”. This feels like the right place for me.
I was really excited about this appointment. I might be on the path to getting some answers and, if all goes well, on the path to carrying a baby to term. There’s no guarantee of answers or a successful pregnancy but I at least feel proactive about going.
My bubble burst a little when I arrived in the waiting room to see a family gleefully playing with a little baby. I decided to take a deep breath and tell myself that this is proof of the program’s success and then attempted to distract myself by flipping though a magazine. It didn’t help, but I’m giving myself an “A” for effort.
I knew the specialist was a man, so you can imagine my surprise when a woman, an 8-months pregnant woman greeted me and introduced herself to me as a team doctor. The specialist would be meeting with me at the end of the appointment.
Baby in the waiting room, pregnant doctor…not liking this clinic experience so far.
Doctor Prego was actually very kind. She admitted that it must be difficult for me to discuss my losses because she was pregnant. It made me feel a lot better to hear her say that aloud. Elephant in room eliminated.
She went through my medical history and began to create a long list of tests that they would be doing over the next couple of months. The test included hormones, genetics, ultrasounds, another sonohysterogram, cycle monitoring and screening for autoimmune diseases. They will also be testing my husband (he’s a good sport. He will likely need to make a trip to the “audio-visual room”).
I was able to do a number of my blood tests right on the spot. That was A LOT of blood! I’m surprised there is any left in me!
I’m looking forward to getting some of the results back. I feel strange for thinking it but this is one time I want something to be “wrong”. The doctors assured me that “nothing wrong” is a much better scenario but to me “nothing wrong” means “no answer” and “no answer” means it could happen again. I can’t stomach the thought of another loss, but I’m willing to take a calculated risk.