In the back of my mind, I wasn’t that worried about the home study. My husband and I are both easy to talk to, we’re a happy couple, we have a nice house and we’d both make great parents. That didn’t stop me from scrubbing the house floor to ceiling, putting careful consideration into what I was going to wear and making sure we had fruit and croissants on hand in case the Home Study Practitioner needed a snack (and so it looks like we would actually be able to feed a child).
There big sigh of relief the moment she came into our home. We were very comfortable with her, she made us feel as ease, she didn’t snoop around our house, and she didn’t write down EVERYTHING we said (just some things).
We drank coffee (and ate croissants), she asked about the fond memories we had as children, we touched on our losses and how we have dealt with them and explained to us how this whole process works.
When she left we felt really positive. That glimmer of hope is there. I say glimmer because after the losses I don’t take anything to be a sure thing. This part of the process on an emotional level feels like early pregnancy. We want to be excited, but we need to go one step at a time. I’m not sure when I’ll switch from using “if” to “when”. Will it be if (or when) we’re approved to adopt? Will it be if (or when) we get a photo in the mail telling us a match has been made? Will it be if (or when) we hold that child in our arms? Will it be if (or when) the process is finalized and we are officially a family?
One thing that is very different is that during an adoption process we are encouraged to share. The home study practitioner told us to tell our friends and family so that they can be prepared and be a positive part of this journey.