When are you due?

Seriously.  Seriously!!!

This weekend, I was at my friend’s wedding and one of the guests asked, “When are you due?”

Deep breaths… don’t freak out. When my heart resumed beating, I answered, “I’m not”. (Thank you hubby for holding my hand so tight).

The woman promptly apologized, pointed to herself indicating her own fat and said “I should probably know better”. (Yes, you should.)

If only she knew how much deeper this went beyond misinterpreted body fat.  If only she knew how hard it was not to make a public spectacle of myself by screaming and crying (that all went on in my head).  If only she knew the weight of this question.

Before coming up with my simple, “I’m not”, I listed in my head all of the “due” dates I had in my mind…including 18 months to 2 years which will hopefully be my adoption “due date”. Instead, I answered, “I’m not”.

I thought about my previous post stating that my bloated tummy was probably only visible to me.  I guess I was wrong.  This pain is on display.

I also thought about other times that I had been asked this question.  Most recently by my brother-in-law who knew I was pregnant at the wedding.  Even then, even when I WAS pregnant this was a very difficult question for me to answer. I no longer take for granted that pregnancy means a baby.

I’m way over due.


7 thoughts on “When are you due?

  1. I feel for you. And I also feel for the woman. I have made the same cringe-inducing error not once but twice. In my defense, the first time the woman admitted she was wearing one of her maternity blouses, which is why I said anything at all. But, I am sure you were by no means doing the same. I am very sorry you had such a sad and cruel reminder of your struggles. Hang in there.

      • LOL No, no. My own blunders taught me that no matter how excited I might be for someone to have a child it was best to keep my trap shut until I was absolutely certain. She should have done the same. And my own infertility has taught me not ask someone when they are going to have children or why they haven’t yet as you can’t possibly know what they may be going through. My husband and I have been married 7.5 years and we are often asked if we want to have children. I have yet to do so, but there is an evil part of me that wants to reply, “Nope. We hate the little monsters.”

  2. I remember reading a blog once that was about a lady who hated people complaining about being labor for whatever amount of time. She finally said “try being in labor for 3 years! THREE YEARS!”, since she had waiting that long to adopt her baby. It shut everyone up. So maybe the answer is (if this happens again) “our adoption agency says x months until we meet our baby, how did you know?” and then just let the awkward moment hang. I have to admit, when I am actually quick enough to think of such remarks on my feet – I like to let that awkward moment hang – because that is how people will learn.

    Another good one -was when a group of women were complaining about their labor pain they had been through and said the standard “you are so lucky you did not have to feel that pain” she replied “it was a different kind of pain”. That shut them up and made them think for a bit. Learning moments for stupid fertile women, right?

  3. It happened AGAIN!!! Don’t people know the rules??? I got a full-on “congratulations”!!! I said “thank-you” (assuming I MUST have done something amazing – stranger things have happened) before I realized what he meant. Good grief.

  4. Pingback: My Mother’s Day Gift to Myself: Instant Mom by Nia Vardalos | you can't choose when

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