A Bad Liar (alternate title: Yummy Cheese Dip)

I was caught off guard at a party on the weekend.  Two women (one acquaintance, and one total stranger) were discussing how huge they were when they were pregnant.  They had both had molds taken of their pregnant bellies and were trying to decide whose was bigger.  I was just in the middle of patting myself on the back for not being upset by the conversation when one of the women asked, “Have you ever been pregnant?”.

Now this was tricky.  This through me for a loop.  Usually the question is “Do you have any children?” and I’ve programmed myself to answer a polite “hopefully one day” or “not yet”.    Her question was different.

“Have you ever been pregnant?”.

Maybe it was the glass of wine or just the pure inability to lie but I found myself saying, “Three times, but they didn’t work out”.

WHAT??!!!!   As I heard it coming out of my mouth I couldn’t believe myself.  Great.  Now I’m that lady that bums people out at parties?  This is not me.

Gladly, my little comment didn’t bring the party to a halt.  One of the women had already “heard through the grapevine” and wasn’t surprised by what I said and the other was completely unfazed.  They gave me a wink and a squeeze of the hand, told me not to give up and offered me some cheese dip.

I’m not sure if the lesson is, “don’t be a Debbie Downer”, “don’t drink wine” or “it’s ok to talk about it” but frankly it did feel a little better sharing it out loud.  I can live with it (and the dip was delicious).


5 thoughts on “A Bad Liar (alternate title: Yummy Cheese Dip)

  1. This post hits me right at home. One thing that is bizarre about dealing with sub/in/whatever-fertility stuff is the reactions are never what I expect. When I do bring stuff up, which is basically only when cornered or when gin is involved, people are way more chill about it then I’d expect them to be. Especially if they already have kids. They are understanding — I totally get the hand squeeze part — but there is also this almost smug distance. Like “yep! life sucks sometimes and when/if you have kids you’ll realize it ain’t a picnic” or maybe, maybe I wonder, if they just can’t let themselves into your pain. Best to just be civil and then sweep it back under the rug, because the pressure on them to keep their kids good and safe and smart and healthy — maybe that’s pretty intense too.

    Not sure, but it’s never the “oh poor honey!” that you might expect. (But would never actually want, obviously.)

  2. I’m trying to get to the point where I can openly talk about my 3 losses. I feel like for me that would be the better way to deal with it. So far I’ve been surprised by the genuine concern I have received and pleasantly surprised by the number of people that just brush over it.

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