I was feeling good. I was patting myself on the back for having gotten my “teething” rant out of my system. I was thinking about how proactive I am being about getting tested for everything (another Sono and a 3D ultrasound tomorrow) and moving forward with the adoption. I was walking in the rain, getting healthy and fit again and on my way to get a pedicure (I reward myself with a pedicure every time my cycle hits… a way to look forward to rather than dread nature’s way of telling me that I’m not pregnant).
I take pride in my “feel good” moments. I remind myself that there are more feel good than feel bad moments in a day. The sad times really hurt, it’s important to acknowledge to myself that things aren’t bad all the time.
Toes in the spa, I made the grave error of checking my email. I did this mostly because I didn’t want to read a magazine about Snooki’s baby (seriously?).
Right there in my email was another pregnancy announcement. I have never known this many pregnant people in my entire life. This announcement came out of left field (another sports analogy?). I wasn’t expecting this one. These friends have one school-aged daughter and had twins about a year and a half ago (not the teething twins… SO MANY TWINS!) and now they’re expecting again! I really thought that after twins the coast would be clear.
The twisted “the world revolves around me” part of my brain actually had the thought that they’re just “showing off” or “rubbing it in my face” by popping out all those babies. The “woe is me” part of my brain says “no fair, it’s really my turn now, let me have a turn”. The logical, educated, sensible side of my brain knows that I should be happy for them and that this has nothing to do with me. If only these brains knew how to communicate with each other!
I am going to go back to patting myself on the back. I did not cry. I did not dwell on it for hours. I will probably sleep tonight. Small victories. This is progress. (But seriously…no fair.)