I’ve had more ultrasounds, internal ultrasounds and sonohystograms in the past year than most people ever have in a lifetime. Sometimes I feel like my body doesn’t even belong to me anymore.
Something I always dread even more than the “wand” is the form I have to fill out before going in.
The dreaded questions:
- Number of pregnancies: 3
- Number of children: 0
I hate that the first number gets higher with every visit. I hate that the second number stays the same. When I adopt do I still say zero?
I had my last round of ultrasounds and sono at the clinic last week. The technicians were really sweet. I guess that’s the difference between fertility clinic and the rest of the medical world. They’re used to women who need a little extra sensitivity.
There’s a law that technicians are not allowed to disclose any information. Only doctors are allowed to discuss the results with you. This always leads to the challenging game of “read between the lines”.
In the past this law has proven difficult. I know things are good when I’m pregnant and they turn on the volume of the heartbeat and print out a picture. I know things are awful when I’m pregnant and the technician says “I’d like to check this with my colleague” (and leaves me holding the wand and crying while she finds one) or “go see your doctor right away to discuss the results”.
This time I wasn’t pregnant. We’re trying to figure out what’s wrong. This is bit more challenging when reading between the lines.
“Have you had any surgery?”
“Just the D&Cs”
“Nothing other than that? I just have to press down harder to see something more clearly”
“There seems to be some tissue or debris”
“It may come out on it’s own. How many cycles have you had since the last pregnancy”?
“Oh? Three? Okay, we’ll make a note for your Doctor.”
After a few days of worrying and obsessing about “tissue” being left behind, about needing another surgery, about postponing everything even longer I took matter into my own hands. I called the doctor and told the receptionist all of my concerns.
She checked with the doctor and he “signed off” on the images. He doesn’t think another D&C will be necessary. Am I relieved to hear that? Kind of. Am I still obsessing about what was “left behind”. Yup.
I’m looking forward to my appointment at the end of the month. I’m crossing my fingers that I get some answers.