I want to go back to day when I thought that pregnant women were going to have babies.
I got a text this morning from a friend in the hospital. She just found out that her baby wasn’t alive anymore. She was about 5 months in. She is going to have to give birth. She is going to have to bury her baby.
I’ve been crying and shaking all day. She texted me from the hospital because she hoped I’d have some words of wisdom. She knew I’d understand at least some of what she is going through. I wish I had words of wisdom.
This is all I have:
It’s not fair.
There’s no why.
This didn’t happen for a reason.
It’s ok to be REALLY sad. (for a REALLY long time)
It just sucks.
(Life will never be the same)
I sent her and her husband some resources. The name of a counsellor who deals specifically with this kind of loss. (for my own privacy, I won’t leave a link) and a link to the Perinatal Bereavement Services Ontario.
At first I even felt guilty. Guilty for having felt jealous. Guilty for keeping a distance. I know this is not my fault. What helps me move past that guilt is knowing that we had communicated. Knowing that she knew and understood why I was staying away. I’m so glad now that I had been open and honest. I’m glad that the rest of my large gang of pregnant friends know how I feel too. I don’t feel guilty now. I just feel helpless. I wish there was more I could do. I wish this didn’t reopen my own wounds.I wish that terrible things didn’t happen. I wish that being pregnant meant you were going to have a baby.