Special Guest Blog: Loss

My blog made a special appearance this week on another blog.

My friend Ashley was documenting the concept of loss.

Have a look at her beautiful blog.  It really captures the full spectrum of loss.  Ashley has experienced significant loss of her own and has still managed to come out on top.

http://www.dancingthroughlifeblog.com/2013/02/everything-is-about-infertility-even.html

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Dear Belly Buddy: UPDATE!

A few weeks ago, I wrote a letter to my first “belly buddy”.  She wrote back.  She understands.  She says she’ll always be there for me no matter what because I’ve always been there for her.

I feel so relieved.  It’s like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I still have a few more relationships to tackle but I feel like there’s hope for me yet.

The Name Game

This might sound a little “Seinfeld” but I’m going there anyway.

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Being a teacher, I always knew the task of naming a child would be a tough one.  So many names are unusable due to name trends and “that kid you wouldn’t want to name a child after”.

Because of this challenge, I have always kept a running list of names in my head, hoping to someday assign them to a little bundle.

The first time I was pregnant (back when I thought pregnancy meant a baby was on the way) my husband and I actually spoke out loud about names.  We had a few girl names and a boy names that we liked.  We hadn’t settled on them but we did recognize the miracle that they were names that we both agreed on.

I still work on this running list of names and it’s getting frustrating and sad.  It’s just another reason to feel like this is taking too long or like I missed my turn.

The names in my head keep getting used up.  My mother-in-law’s cat, a friend’s new baby, someone’s girlfriend… I’m too late.

My heart skips a beat when I hear the names.  Most recently was a friend’s baby (the one who already has twins and was surprised by this one a year later). When I read the name I was almost sick.  She didn’t know.  I wouldn’t have dared shared these names with anyone but it still hurts.

I’m sure everyone faces challenges when trying to name a child, but when you’re not even sure that child will ever come it adds a whole new dimension.

If our adoption ever goes through, maybe I’ll be able to let go of this imaginary running list. Our plan is to keep the child’s birth name (or at least the name that they’ve been called in the orphanage or foster home).  There are always exceptions to the rule – I know someone who had intended to keep her adopted child’s given name but his name sounded really rude in English, it’s now his middle name.   My husband’s parents kept his “birth name” and it plays a major role in who he is.