I feel like my life has been on hold. All of the “experts” (unsolicited advice) tell me not to let this stress me out and not to let my fertility issues and losses control my life.
The people dolling out this advice have obviously never had to schedule cycle monitoring and daily medications into their lives. Trying to get pregnant controls my lifestyle, my schedule, my mood, my body and my future plans. (I’m sure I could have made that list a lot longer.)
I’m already worried about summer vacation. Will our week away in August mean a month off of treatments? Would a break be a good thing or will I just be older?
I made a decision yesterday. I found a job posting. It was for a central school board instructional leader position. This is something I have been working towards and considering applying for “further down the road”. When I saw the posting, my first instinct was to not apply for it.
Here are some of the reasons for my hesitation.
1. I wanted to have my family before I moved up the ladder. A classroom teacher is the ideal job for a working parent with young children.
2. If I continue with fertility treatments, how will I work meetings and workshops around last minute cycle based appointments? If I have to work at the other end of town will I be able to get there in time from my cycle monitoring?
3. What if I get my adoption referral? Do I take a new job when I know there is a chance (a small chance) that I will have to leave?
4. I have such a great support system at my present job.
After much deliberation I came to some realizations. It’s not a guarantee that I’d get the job. There’s no harm in applying. If I get it, I’ll manage. People go on adoptive leave/maternity leave all the time. My friends will always be there for me, even if we don’t work in the same building. It may be nice to have a break from the ever-growing population of pregnant ladies at my work. Working with adults rather than kids may help take my mind off of motherhood for a few minutes a day.
I’m going to apply for the job. I can’t put my life on hold. Fingers crossed.