Running On Empty (Empty Uterus)

Yesterday I “failed” yet another pregnancy test.  Another month of early mornings, ultrasounds, blood tests, stomach needles and suppositories for nothing.

The phone call with the negative result always hurts.  It’s happened so often now that I have the conversation memorized.  The doctor’s secretary gently confirms that it’s me on the phone.  She awkwardly asks if I already know the result.  I tell her I didn’t get the blood results but that I have a good idea (read 10 pee sticks).  She apologizes, tells me that it’s negative.  We discuss protocol and she wishes me luck the next time.  Yesterday’s phone call hurt a little more than usual.  Today marks an anniversary.

One year ago today, I was in the hospital for the D&C.  It was “play day “at my school.  The hospital is right across the street from my work.  I heard the music playing and the children laughing as my husband brought me in for the procedure.  The baby shower for one of my “Belly Buddies”, a colleague, was scheduled for that same evening.  The date was very close to my second due date, June 26th.  I couldn’t help but thinking that if things had worked out, I may have been in this same hospital that day having a baby, not waiting to have yet another failed pregnancy removed from my body.  One year ago today was the last day that I had a baby in my belly.

A whole year has gone by and I’ve been empty the whole time.  The previous year I was pregnant 3 times!

When I got pregnant the first time I was 35 years old (just a few weeks away from turning 36).  A few weeks from now,  I turn 38.  I still don’t have my baby.

I’m frustrated, I’m sad and I’m feeling very discouraged.

 

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Running On Empty (Empty Uterus)

  1. I am suffering from the same feelings right now. I also failed yet another pregnancy test yesterday. I have never been pregnant through our efforts the last few years. I am so sorry for your losses. Someone was talking in front of me and another infertile friend of mine the other day talking about how she wants a kid and only one but doesn’t want to give birth, yadda, yadda, yadda and we were like “You know who you are sitting in front of talking like this, right?” And my gf said you are looking at “Barren Betty” and I said and I am “Empty Eggs” here. People can be so insensitive sometimes but your title Empty Uterus just made me think of this. I am sorry that we are in a similar situation…my thoughts are with you…

      • Thanks for checking out my blog. I was hesitant to start one but now I know it was the right thing for me to do. I needed to get my emotions and thoughts out of my head and I needed to feel like I could inform people and teach people about what infertility is and possibly help with all the insensitivity. the sad part is that I know some people read my blog and still say all the wrong things and have inappropriate conversations in front of me. It is what it is but I said that if I reached or taught one person, it would all be worth it. I look forward to reading more on your story, also. 🙂

  2. really sorry to hear about your negative have patience you will recover soon. i was having the same situation 2 months ago but now everything has been recovered thank god

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s