How long???

I participate in an online discussion group that connects waiting parents from the same agency and the same program.  We are all waiting for Special Needs children from Vietnam.

Over the past year, there has been very little movement.  Only one or two adoptions have gone through (that I’m aware of).  There is much discussion about the changing political climate and the eventual demise of international adoption.

Recently one of the waiting moms got a referral.  When I read the subject line, I was so excited.  Things are moving again!  Then, as I read on, my heart sank.

This woman has been waiting for six years.  SIX YEARS!!!!!!!!

She was originally on a list to adopt a baby through the “mainstream” program (not Special Needs).  That list was simply not moving so switched to the Special Needs program.

The child that was referred to her is a five year-old girl.  This breaks my heart.  This woman has been waiting 6 years, for a child that’s been there almost the whole time.  It makes me so sad that the child has had to wait this long for a family.  It makes me sad that the mother has had to wait to long to meet her.  This referral story, which should have been inspiring, is so discouraging.

It hurts to think that my child is already “out there” waiting.  It hurts to think that I could theoretically have five more years to wait.

I need to remind myself that Special Needs lists do tend to move faster.  These lists don’t move in numerical order necessarily, but rather by match to the prospective parent.

I’m so glad that mom finally got her match.  I can’t imagine another five years without my family.   Patience and hope. You can’t choose when.


5 thoughts on “How long???

  1. This story just breaks my heart. We are so interested in pursuing international adoption, but having myself worked in international development, I am all too aware of the politics and bureaucracy that can get in the way…I truly hope that you won’t be waiting long to meet your child.

    • The doors aren’t closed yet. We decided to go with a “special needs” adoption because the wait times are a lot shorter and many things considered “special needs” by the agencies are so minor. It’s heartbreaking.

  2. It is so sad to me that this family and child were waiting for each other for five years before they were matched! I don’t know much about the process for adopting internationally, but geez it seems like something is broken! I sincerely hope that your journey is not as long as that and that you meet your little one soon.

  3. Wow! Six years… we’re in the process of waiting for a referral too, from Ecuador. We’ve been approved for 3 months, it hasn’t been that long, but the entire approval process took well over a year so it feels forever. I hope you receive news soon!

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