Decisions, decisions

After months of “assistance” (cycle monitoring, injectable drugs, progesterone suppositories) I am yet to see a positive pregnancy test.

We went to the clinic just under a year ago to try to get to the bottom of our three losses.  Why was this happening? Will I ever be able to carry a baby to term? What can we do?

The diagnosis was “immature eggs”.   The solution was to take meds and monitor my cycle to correct the issue.  We’ve been trying this for several months to no avail.

I recently met with the doctor again last week to revisit the issue.  I just can’t understand why I could get pregnant 3 times with broken babies, and now, with help haven’t.

The doctor looked at my monitoring results (blood and ultrasound) from the past several months and let me know the devastating news.

This isn’t going to work.

The doctor, probably wisely, said to continue with what we’re doing is “just not good medicine”.

He gave us one option.  IVF.

This was a hard pill to swallow. When we embarked upon this journey, IVF was our “line”.  IVF was out.  IVF was not an option.

Now that I’ve had three babies in my belly and never been able to meet them, all of a sudden, having a biological child has become more important.  After all of this effort, it’s hard to stop here.

My husband and I have some big decisions to make.  Is it worth the gamble? Is it worth the expense? Is this the way we want to start our family?  We’ve already started the adoption process.  The wait could be long.  Maybe it’s time to just sit and wait.


9 thoughts on “Decisions, decisions

  1. I know everyone has their own limits when it comes to fertility treatments, but I will say IVF is not as bad as I thought it would be. Yes, it’s expensive but most clinics have plans available for patients who need them to at least make things a little more manageable. And the physical side of things is a roller coaster for sure, but I didn’t think it was any worse than IUI, and each cycle seemed to go by much faster. Just my two cents!

  2. I remember how hard it hit when I heard those three letters. IVF is scary stuff. Maybe you just need to take the time to think about it? Thinking of you! Xox

  3. It is amazing, isn’t it? How easy it is to push the line when things don’t work out the way we planned. At Christmas I told my husband that if we had not been successful by March I wanted to seriously start looking into adoption. I did not want to spend a ton of time and money on trying to figure out the problem or make my body work when I could use that same time and money towards adoption which feels like more of a sure thing. After our chemical pregnancy it all changed. It is now 4 months later than that original “deadline” I set, and I have no idea what will happen next. Hoping to figure that out soon.

    Just remember: you are allowed to change your mind. And even if you decide to hold off for now, you can always decide to try it later.

    Take care.

  4. IUI/IVF was the end of the line for us too. We just wouldn’t have been able to handle it. It’s a huge decision to make. I wouldn’t want to just sit around and wait for the adoption to go through but I don’t think I would be able to do IVF. It’s something you and your hubby will figure out on your own. It sucks that you’re faced with this. I’m thinking of you.

  5. Pingback: Not quite a decision…. | you can't choose when

  6. IVF has been our line too, and I also wonder sometimes if we are/were fools not to just do it. Even knowing the downsides or potential downsides… but after meeting my niece I can understand a bit more the drive to want to have a biological child. Good luck with your decisions and thinking and feeling.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s